I don’t know best—and how I learned this: Part One

Imagine bypassing an episode of excruciating emotional pain; not through your own efforts but by the foresight and wisdom of God. Ever since this occurred in my life, I’ve paused before every petitionary prayer, remembering that I don’t want to ask for something useless or worse.

It began in my childhood with my alcoholic father and enabler mother. To those not raised in a household ruled by an inexorable drug addiction, it’s difficult to describe the damage inflicted on all parties, especially the children. The addicted person's behavior twists every relationship: parent-child, and between and among siblings. Healthy interaction is impossible.

Despite this, I always felt I had a good relationship with my mother. When I was a young adult, we could talk, and enjoyed each other’s company.

After my father quit drinking he continued to abuse my mother, but she would never admit this. At 54, she was diagnosed with late-stage ovarian cancer and died less than two years later. Although she was an atheist, she had many Christian friends, all of whom were praying for her recovery. I’d also become a Christian and was praying for her likewise.

I couldn't accept the prospect of her death and, after she died, felt for years that her early death signified that something had gone terribly wrong. I never could understand why she had to die before she’d even reached old age. If, by waving a magic wand, I could have ensured her survival and complete recovery, I’d have done so.